I have young kids and I feel like I’ve pretty much become isolated from my friends. The ones that have kids live out of state. My best friends don’t have kids so they usually come to me, but they also have their own lives so I don’t want to bother them. And I can’t really do my hobbies. I knew it would be hard with young kids, but I didn’t realize it would be so lonely and without an outlet.
There’s nothing wrong with handing off your kids once a week for some “me” time. Assuming you have a partner and reciprocate, of course.
Obviously, life and kids being unpredictable can keep that from happening reliably. But you do need and deserve adult time with your social group.
Now again, make sure you’re reciprocating for your partner, assuming you have one. They deserve their own adult time.
And of course, get a babysitter so yall can have some adult time together. Don’t underestimate the need for date night.
Yea, I work into the night. This allows me to take care of the mornings, and the evenings are my spouse. I take care of the kids mostly on the weekends to give her some time off. I think we may have to bite the bullet and find room in our budget for a cleaner and a babysitter
find room in our budget for a cleaner
My dude…oh man, you are about to realize the biggest privilege of adulthood.
I’ve felt like this before for sure. Best advice I can offer is to try your best to include your kids in your hobbies. Sure if your hobbies were doing drugs or getting blackout drunk at the clubs, then you’ll probably not be able to bring your kids. Though if you like golf/woodworking/video games… something like that, pack up the diapers and bottles or snacks or whatever and bring them with you. Babies sleep proportionately to how much formula they drink and older kids will eat up any menial task you give them to “help”.
Give it a try. It might not be the exact experience you had before, but you may be pleasantly surprised.
Great advice! And sure, if OP’s hobbies are base jumping or something else not exactly kid friendly, there’s always the opportunity to explore some new interests that the can include the kids in.
Most importantly, including your kids in your hobbies, or finding new ones together is a really rewarding way to strengthen bonds and create long lasting, positive memories for them.
What if your hobbies are getting blackout drunk while basejumping?
Won’t be a concern for long.
I definitely fully intend to do this (I like washing the cars, which I’m sure they’ll love) but right now they’re 1 and 2, so it’s hard. I’ll have to look into hobbies that babies can do too
I won’t say I have a solution for you, but I can at least offer solidarity. It’s been lonely for me too and it’s a good year if I see friends more than a few times… I will say, try to stay healthy for yourself. You may hit some low times, plan ahead, and make decisions you won’t regret. And remember that you are in a marathon, this is going to take a while, pace yourself.
Thank you. I’m already a pretty big introvert and I don’t mind the physical exhaustion, but damn, I didn’t realize that even I would become starved for conversation at some point. It’s good to know that I’m not alone
My best friends don’t have kids so they usually come to me, but they also have their own lives so I don’t want to bother them
Did your best friends indicate you’re bothering them? If not, where did this narrative come from, that you’re bothering them? I’d wonder if this is just in your head and if it’s preventing you from reaching out more often.
You’re right. It’s a common way of thinking among the depressed.
I am a cripple who married a woman who claimed she didn’t want kids, and believed in abortion, until we got married and she missed her birth control and got pregnant, then explained how what she had said when we were dating wasn’t true and while she didn’t want kids and that she believes that other folks can have abortions, she can not herself. Her body her choice you know
Now I’m in a body that’s not physically capable of being a dad, with a wife who doesn’t want to be a mom, but also didn’t want to make a hard decision. One child passed early on and the other has a horrible genetic disease that we fight every day
I feel like I’ve completely lost all control of my life. I have no energy for anything I used to enjoy, nor time or money to do anything but work and take care of the family
Every day I get closer to shooting myself and I don’t see a way out
Order folks are in a similar place, but I at least don’t have a good answer. My answer is a bullet and that’s a really shitty one. I just don’t see any way out and I’m so very tired
One day at a time, my man. One day at a time. I’m up and down w suicide, and your struggles are vastly different than mine but I just want to say I hear you. All I can hope for you is a different tomorrow.
Take your kid out to see things. You dont mention the age of the kid…
If its a baby just go where ever you wanna go… maybe with the exception of nascar and concerts or other loud places.
If its a larger kid. Like 5 years old, go to the zoo, playgrounds, the amusement park… hell even the mall, and through a toy store.
Or just bring your kid over to your friends. Tell them you miss hanging out. And you can easily bring a baby to a friends house. So long as you can provide the things you need, and expect to handle it all yourself.
Or the library. Read some kids books and such.
Find playdates on FB or similar. Theres always other lonely parents around
Sincerely former single dad
Hi - I don’t know if this will work for you but I joined a local volunteer firehall which helped get me out of the house 2 hours a week for practice and I met some new people, some w kids. Of course I discussed it w my wife who understood. It’s been a wise choice.
I had to look up what a fire hall is and didn’t realize it was even called something else (fire department where I am). I was kind of picturing a Valhalla type banquet hall with a lot of barbeque
100% this. I’ve started playing online games with friends, which gets some interaction in.
But like others are saying: handoff when you can.
My friend group fractured and faded because of the divorce, and I was in no shape to function beyond keeping my job. I got the kids back full time after 2 years of absolutely bleak desolation. I focused on the kids and job for the next 10 years. Right now I’m crawling out my isolation a bit, but only a bit. My kids are now grumpy teenagers who can mostly take care of themselves, and I’m left wondering “what now?”.
I dunno. Some of the kids activities allowed a bit of socialization around the fringe, but I’m gun shy to the point of not being very willing to engage. Dating probably isn’t an option, I’ve seen things that can’t be unseen. I like my work friends a lot, but work friends aren’t the same as personal friends. I’m not sure what happens from this point, but I’ve got options if I have the effort and willingness to pursue them. If.
