Baratza Encore ESP is what you want. I have the virtuoso (non-plus) as someone else here mentioned. It technically can do espresso grind but I’ve found it doesn’t like to and seems to be prone to getting knocked out of alignment or slightly broken with lots of espresso grinding of lightly roasted beans. Nothing major and a fairly easy fix if you’re handy / can follow a youtube video / willing to buy a $3 part, but still a little annoying.
For drip or pourover it’s really good though.
I previously had a capresso infinity. I think encore esp would be worth the additional cost.
I took my kids trick or treating and didn’t observe anything like what you’re describing. Pretty sure you made this up. Congrats on the internet points though!