TIL my friendships with my bros are about 5x healthier than average.
I read this thought it sounded super melodramatic and exaggerated. I guess it’s just more rare to have deep friendships with the boys. Looking back it got me thinking that I might be the weird one with friends that have deep conversations and know/worry about the others mental health.
So i guess, to any guys that read this and felt like it could have been written about them: go out on a limb and talk to your friends. Chances are they want/need a more meaningful friendship too. They are also probably similarly apprehensive about opening up.
I have no issue opening up to other men, so long as they’re receptive, but very often (almost universally) I’ve ended up regretting it when I have done so.
Sure, it’s not anything too tragic or traumatic. Openness has often been met with derision or mockery. Even if the other person is supportive during the initial openness, whatever is confessed is often brought up later for more negativity. In some cases, if my feelings were about a separate individual and I was seeking advice about them, the person to whom I was talking has taken what was said to the other individual in question.
Wow, that’s awful. While not tragic, that does sound like little-t traumatic. What a way to discourage opening up. I’m sorry you had to go through with that. I hope you eventually find some better friends that can more respectfully hold your emotions.
I try to do that, but somehow it’s magnitudes harder to talk to men and I can’t figure out why. I’m probably already more open about how I feel than most men (at least in part because of the communities I chose to be part of, therapies, age, …), but opening up to women (or non-binary persons) feels way more natural and easy for me and I don’t even know if that’s because other men’s reaction to these topics are somehow subtly different (even with men who are also rather open) or because of some inhibitions on my behalf (e.g. not feeling safe around them because of bad experiences or because of an absent father figure or…).
It is melodramatic. He’s writing as an outsider who doesn’t know yet how to interact as a man, and may or may not have full male hormonal balance yet. Men form deep relationships with their male friends, but only on a long enough timeline for trust to be built, and then we display it differently. His perspective is that of a woman’s, so he’s probably missing a lot of nuance in reactions he’s getting. Something as simple as a knowing nod can mean a lot between men. Just because we’re not all lovie dovey, and hugging and kissing, doesn’t mean we’re broken, it means we’re men, with male mannerisms, male emotions, and male forms of bonding.
I’m with you. Guys are much easier to talk to about a lot of things.
Though girls are easier in some ways.
Talk to a girl about an insecurity and she will beat you with it. Worried about being small oh just join a gym even if you go all the time. Worried about being short, oh I wouldn’t ever dream of dating someone shorter than me but there are girls out there who are shorter than you so try with them. Worried about low pay, oh you will get paid more in the future and then you will have worth. Anything like that girls are awful.
Missing something like a dead relative or ex. Girls tend to be better with that.
If you feel sad or talk to girls if you feel vulnerable or want help solving a problem talk to boys.
TIL my friendships with my bros are about 5x healthier than average.
I read this thought it sounded super melodramatic and exaggerated. I guess it’s just more rare to have deep friendships with the boys. Looking back it got me thinking that I might be the weird one with friends that have deep conversations and know/worry about the others mental health.
So i guess, to any guys that read this and felt like it could have been written about them: go out on a limb and talk to your friends. Chances are they want/need a more meaningful friendship too. They are also probably similarly apprehensive about opening up.
I have no issue opening up to other men, so long as they’re receptive, but very often (almost universally) I’ve ended up regretting it when I have done so.
I’m sorry it hasn’t been positive for you. Would you be open to sharing some of your experiences?
Sure, it’s not anything too tragic or traumatic. Openness has often been met with derision or mockery. Even if the other person is supportive during the initial openness, whatever is confessed is often brought up later for more negativity. In some cases, if my feelings were about a separate individual and I was seeking advice about them, the person to whom I was talking has taken what was said to the other individual in question.
Generally speaking, it seems best to avoid.
Wow, that’s awful. While not tragic, that does sound like little-t traumatic. What a way to discourage opening up. I’m sorry you had to go through with that. I hope you eventually find some better friends that can more respectfully hold your emotions.
I try to do that, but somehow it’s magnitudes harder to talk to men and I can’t figure out why. I’m probably already more open about how I feel than most men (at least in part because of the communities I chose to be part of, therapies, age, …), but opening up to women (or non-binary persons) feels way more natural and easy for me and I don’t even know if that’s because other men’s reaction to these topics are somehow subtly different (even with men who are also rather open) or because of some inhibitions on my behalf (e.g. not feeling safe around them because of bad experiences or because of an absent father figure or…).
It is melodramatic. He’s writing as an outsider who doesn’t know yet how to interact as a man, and may or may not have full male hormonal balance yet. Men form deep relationships with their male friends, but only on a long enough timeline for trust to be built, and then we display it differently. His perspective is that of a woman’s, so he’s probably missing a lot of nuance in reactions he’s getting. Something as simple as a knowing nod can mean a lot between men. Just because we’re not all lovie dovey, and hugging and kissing, doesn’t mean we’re broken, it means we’re men, with male mannerisms, male emotions, and male forms of bonding.
Friends? What are these friends you speak of?
I’m with you. Guys are much easier to talk to about a lot of things.
Though girls are easier in some ways.
Talk to a girl about an insecurity and she will beat you with it. Worried about being small oh just join a gym even if you go all the time. Worried about being short, oh I wouldn’t ever dream of dating someone shorter than me but there are girls out there who are shorter than you so try with them. Worried about low pay, oh you will get paid more in the future and then you will have worth. Anything like that girls are awful.
Missing something like a dead relative or ex. Girls tend to be better with that.
If you feel sad or talk to girls if you feel vulnerable or want help solving a problem talk to boys.