Mind sharing any piece of advice that you felt particularly useful? Thank you in advance. I’m so excited!
If you need a minute, put them down somewhere safe, and take that minute. Sometimes the crying gets to you, and that’s OK too.
I second this. “Self soothing” is an incredibly important, yet often criminally underrated, skill. It makes me want to crawl out of my skin to hear my kids crying, but if they are in a timeout or it’s simply bedtime, I have to hold my ground and let them “cry it out”.
I hate it so much.
Someone else said it but I’m going to say it again because it’s a big deal. Read to your child every day. Seriously. Start super super early. Point to words as you are reading them.
Reading is the gateway to most other knowledge and the sooner you start and more of it you do, it makes a big difference. Some studies in the past (citation needed) have shown a link between the number of books around a child’s home and their intelligence.
i have a 3.5 year old, weve been reading to her since she could keep her eyes open. she begs for more books every night, and most afternoons. she knows the words to a lot of them by heart, but repetition, at least in the early days, is great for language development.
Single father to a teen here.
Skin to skin contact. It’s a great way to bond with your baby. Take your shirt off and hold them. Talk and sing to them.
Make sure you have plenty of diapers and wipes but don’t buy too much of one size at one time. They grow fast! Also, learn what a blowout is if you don’t know already.
Be ready for messes. On you, them, everywhere!
Take lots of photos and document milestones, silly moments, 1sts etc.
Be patient. There will be rough patches through their life but it’s nothing you can’t get through.
Keep up on Dr’s visits and write a list of questions and concerns that aren’t immediate so you don’t forget.
Check out https://imaginationlibrary.com/ . Dolly Parton started this and they provide educational books from birth to 5 years old, free of charge.
These are ‘later in life’ things but useful nonetheless!
Take interest in anything they’re interested in, even if they’ve already shown you 100 times before.
Always be honest and direct when asked questions because there will be a lot of questions. Some awkward, some silly, some that you may not know and will have to search for.
Teach them to communicate their feelings and how to deal with those feelings.
Teach them life skills early, such as cooking, cleaning etc
Yeah single dads! Full custody here. We still cuddle so much, and I’ll sometimes wonder, “should we still be doing skin to skin bc we’re laying around anyway?” but I know I’m just missing the baby days
Father of a 2.5 yr old here … Have a few friends who just had kids as well… I told them the same shpiel
- The next few months will be the toughest thing you ever go through (comparable to back to back all nighters in college, but this time it’s for a few months)… Esp if you’re working and don’t have good paternity leave. But after you get over that hump. … It gets a lot better and now you’re in the club where everyone knows what you went through because they’ve been through it too.
- If your/your partners parents are in the picture and offer to babysit. Take up the offer. Go have a date night with your partner… It’ll relieve a lot of stress
- If you live in a decent area, go for walks with the little one as often as you can. (in a bassinet/stroller obviously)
- If you’re in a western country… If you ever feel like you’re doing too little, the littlest amount of effort on your part gets much more props than the amount of effort. Just being there for your new kid and changing every 10th diaper is doing better than 60% of dads out there.
- Everyone, and I mean everyone, has amnesia about the next 6ish months. They’ll say things like “why are you so tired? I don’t understand!” Or “it wasn’t that bad when we had kids”… It was. They just blocked it out
- When the kid gets off milk, any spices yall use usually in cooking. Or just generally like that aren’t spicy. Expose it to them ASAP. It does wonders for their pallet and they’ll be less picky in a few years
- Both you and your partner are stressed. You will fight and hate each other. Don’t make any big life decisions for the next few months.
Hope this helps… Enjoy the journey.
Rereading this a few days later, a few items come to mind
2a. Date night doesn’t have to be fancy. A nice walk in a nearby park, or just a night where you can sleep/chill/watch TV together does the same as a nice dinner/drinks out on the town (and doesn’t require you to dress up). The point is that you do something non-baby related TOGETHER.
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You’re going to get tons of advice on how to raise the kid. The only piece of advice you need is this. When you get the advice, thank the person. Run it through your personal filter. If you like it, talk it through with your partner and decide if you both like it and help to implement it.
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You don’t know them now, but you’ll learn the “I’m hungry” vs “I’m tired” vs “I have a full diaper” cries soon. It’s ok if it takes a while.
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Completely agree on all of these. Especially #5. Even your spouse will forget they ever insisted “Never again. No more kids.”
Lovely advice and spot on about the first few months.
My 11 month old likes spicy things. I also remember from the time I spent in India that their babies eat spicy curries and love it. So you don’t need to avoid spice completely, just start slow and gauge their reaction.
Yeah. IMHO Spicy is always a weird one and should be treaded carefully. But spiced is a must.
I will NEVER forget point 5.
Be fooled and let them have their harmless lies. Otherwise you train them to be good liars.
Take more pictures and videos than you think you should. Document everything, especially the mundane. You will never regret taking a video or photo. I have a 16 year old and time flies so fast, but we look back at the past with fondness. My wife and I were smugly talking (to each other, never brag to other parents) about how our son didn’t have tantrums, until I found a video of him having one. You are so sleep deprived that you will forget a lot, but you can rely on the video evidence
Not sure if it’s boy or girl but girl dad checking in here…
My daughter’s are 7, 4 and 3. As they get older, not unlike boys they start to develop interests and likes which usually is largely impacted by the parents. My buddies have sons and I don’t see a difference in the relationship other than my girls are more affectionate. I think it really comes down to parenting.
My 7 year old plays basketball and swims through our university and plays video games with me. Last year we built some yard games with lumber scraps. She used the drills while I used the saws.
My 4 year is starting to join in now too. Work to be done at the cottage? Guess who’s now on my heels to help? She gets legitimately pissed if I go to home depot without her so I now have to schedule those trips while she’s awake.
My 3 year old is exactly that. 3 years old, a tornado toddler and a bit of a bully. But I’m excited to see what she starts latching onto. She’s already wanting to tag along to home depot although she’s more of the cuddle and read a book type (someone else said read to them everyday, highly recommended)
At the end of the day, I think girls / boys doesn’t really matter too much. It’s what you put into the relationship with them that matter most. I’d say it starts around the 2-3 year mark. Include them in everything you do.
On that note, I’m going to go downstairs and lift weights tomorrow morning with…you guessed it. All three of my girls. (I built them some wooden play weights that the little two use. My 7 year old is now old enough for 5’s and cable machine as well as the play weights). Their attention span for lifting lasts like 3 minutes and then they go play. But they’re not only allowed to be there, but encouraged to join me.
Your kids will benefit from the bonds you create with them from shared interests and spent time, not gender.
I’ve finally been able to get out the Lego I have been keeping since I was a kid and they love it. So much so 30% of Christmas gifts this year were Lego!
Parenting makes you realize how much gender is a construct AND the weird ways it develops naturally. We avoided bias as much as possible but he just loves vehicles and trucks since the beginning
Lots of great advice. The one I might add that we failed at miserably is understanding and appreciating mental health issues. I really recommend that you educate yourself and your partner on what to keep an eye out for and check in with your kids to see how they’re doing.
- everyone has opinions. Only your instincts are what matter for you and your family. Politely nod, internalize, synthesize against all your other inputs, and decide for yourself
- wrt #1, you dont owe anyone shit
- the days are long but the months and years are short. What seems like the hard part, is the important part, and it’s fleeting from day one. Every second, your child is growing further from you from birth. Savor this
- photos and videos. Tons. Non stop. You’ll slow down organically. Lean in now
- the only constant is change. A child is always growing as soon as you master one thing, you’re learning the next whether it’s diapers, eating, or opinions when they get older
- it will get easier. Nobody tells you how hard it is, how lonely it gets in the beginning. It’s not you. It’s hard. But you can do this.
- if the meal train hasn’t left the station, prepare for existential dread around the time household hormones taper off. Everyone wants to see the newborn, but there’s less help later when you actually need it
- make life easy. Pay for help you can afford. Pre-Cut produce, delivery, prepared foods, bulk frozen, make it easy on yourself. This isn’t forever. You deserve some grace
- if baby is alive, it’s going to be okay. That’s your only job. Love the shit out of that little one and keep it alive, and you’re succeeding
- oxygen mask is real af. Hold it tight.
Spare clothes wherever are an absolute lifesaver… spares for adults can also be very useful. Diaper bag, cars, etc.
Kid may appreciate a much louder noise than you’d think they would while sleeping. White noise machine or just a cellphone with something they find peaceful to sleep.
Kids absorb a ton, for our 3rd we implemented a lot of sign language and she communicates so much more than we realized at only 19 months (and since much earlier) which helps keep some frustration tantrums at bay.
Everyone will have advice, some is legitimately not applicable to you/your parenting style/who your child is/outdated. Just between my 3 they’re so vastly different some things genuinely just wouldn’t work for them all and it takes time to find what works whether it’s food, clothing, room temps, etc.
Spare clothes wherever are an absolute lifesaver… spares for adults can also be very useful. Diaper bag, cars, etc.
This is one of the most underrated tips.
My kid is seven now, almost eight, and if we’re going anywhere nice, or far from home, we try to remember to take at least a change of clothes. Kids have an unnatural ability to get dirty at the worst possible time, and especially if you’re miles away from other clothes.
Not now but later on please try and remember that when your kid fucks up, you will see YOUR flaws and not theirs, so be mindful of how you go about talking about it, discipline, punishment.
read to them… early and often. and when they’re old enough, have them read to you.
Kids act up when they don’t get enough attention.
When people are dying they regret not spending more time with their loved ones. No one’s ever been proud of how much overtime they did on their deathbedEnable them to make all the mistakes they want. Protect them from making permanent mistakes.
Here are my adds to the good advice already here. Don’t get too caught up with buying baby things. They grow fast and what they truly need is you, food, and sleep.
If you can afford the initial sped to get cloth diapers they are amazing and will save you and the planet a ton.
On that topic a blanket I the floor is the best changing table for money and safety. The kid can’t roll off the floor.
Be there to support the mother. This can be a difficult time especially if she is breastfeeding. Sleep will be difficult for both of you but especially for her.
