It turns me utterly inapt as a human being, can’t work, can’t eat, can’t shower, can’t even play games. All I can do is stay in bed and hope the day goes faster.
I hate that I sabotage myself to this state, I can’t possibly win this fight since I’m fighting myself, and I know all my weak points.
I hate that I know the way forward, the way to help myself, but I can’t possibly lift a finger to do so.
I hate that my own lack of will snowballs my depression into lacking even more.
I hate that antidepressants only make me want to end it all a little less.
I hate that my depression makes me procrastinate the homework that my psychiatrist gives me.
Why am I like this? Why can’t I work properly? I just want to be happy.
Don’t know if this helps but it’s not your fault. Sometimes your brain can just screw you over, and you can only try your best… willpower is a resource your brain gives you, not something you can decide whether you have. If you try your best to make yourself do it, and it wasn’t enough, then you can talk to your therapist about it or try again later. What you’re doing may seem like a small task, but if someone else had your brain they’d be having the same issues. Try to show yourself kindness, anyone can struggle when their mind sabotages them, and it’s not your fault.
I hate my chronic depression.
It turns me utterly inapt as a human being, can’t work, can’t eat, can’t shower, can’t even play games. All I can do is stay in bed and hope the day goes faster.
I hate that I sabotage myself to this state, I can’t possibly win this fight since I’m fighting myself, and I know all my weak points.
I hate that I know the way forward, the way to help myself, but I can’t possibly lift a finger to do so.
I hate that my own lack of will snowballs my depression into lacking even more.
I hate that antidepressants only make me want to end it all a little less.
I hate that my depression makes me procrastinate the homework that my psychiatrist gives me.
Why am I like this? Why can’t I work properly? I just want to be happy.
Don’t know if this helps but it’s not your fault. Sometimes your brain can just screw you over, and you can only try your best… willpower is a resource your brain gives you, not something you can decide whether you have. If you try your best to make yourself do it, and it wasn’t enough, then you can talk to your therapist about it or try again later. What you’re doing may seem like a small task, but if someone else had your brain they’d be having the same issues. Try to show yourself kindness, anyone can struggle when their mind sabotages them, and it’s not your fault.