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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Throwaway-sadguy on 2023-07-07 05:30:07+00:00.

Me (34M) and my gf (36F) got in a huge fight a couple days ago over household chores and money and I need advice.

My long distance gf moved in with me a year and a half ago. We discussed her not paying rent until she was able to find a job and then we would split rent and utilities 75-25 as I make more than she does. She found a job in April 2022 making $20/hr but hasn’t contributed ($350/month is her share) to rent/utilities since and always has an excuse (pink tax, spent too much on Christmas gifts, cost of living in my city is higher, she needs to rebuilt savings after not working 4 months) I pay for dates, vacations, rent, utilities, insurance, and bought her a car when she moved here. She chooses to only work 20-25 hrs a week, typically works 11-4 or 12-4.

When she first moved in we split household chores basically 50/50 for daily items. However I noticed when ever it came to deep clean days once a quarter she would have cramps, a headache, pick a fight over something and leave the house before even starting or within the first hour.

She fractured her foot last December and I took over doing everything, shopping, cleaning, cooking, taking her to and from work. Her foot has healed and physio finished end of April but my job has gotten crazy and I work 60+ hrs a week and spend 3-4 nights a week in a different city on a project. I come home and the house keeps getting worse, fridge empty, dishes piled up in sink, plates, cups, garbage on her nightstand, by the tub, on the end table downstairs, and have to tidy, clean, shop. She has started cooking dinner again because when I am home I am at the office until 7-8pm trying to get caught up, but she needs me to plan out what she should cook.

Everything boiled over this last Sat when I asked her to sweep and mop/wetjet the floor while I went to go to hardware store and Costco after she got out of bed finally at 2:30 in afternoon. I had been cleaning and tidying house all morning. I came home and she hadn’t done it and was drinking & watching friends for the millionth time. (She watches 3+hrs a day of friends episodes). I admit I lost my cool and yelled that I supported her thru the last 6 months and I can’t keep doing everything. She yelled at me I was sexist and old fashioned to tell her to do house chores and that I should hire a maid if I want it done. I told her that I’m tired of her not helping out anymore so she can start paying rent like we agreed when she moved here or she can start doing the bigger share of household chores. I feel unsupported as a partner and am burning out between work and household responsibilities. AITA for telling her to start pulling her weight financially or with household items instead?